Many years ago, after spotting one dangling modifier too many in my local paper, I picked up the habit of reading the New York Times. Because I am a goddamn liberal, I have continued to read the New York Times over the years despite the fact that its readership is ovine enough to hire consultants to name its babies. (Said consultants suggest names like “Beckett” because they “sound so masculine” even though Beckett wrote almost solely about impotent men. Soon they’ll suggest naming daughters “Paris Hilton” because it “just has that ring of chastity.”)
Recently, in a move sure to set the readership baa-ing, the Times ran an article by the obviously-from-Berkeley Michael Pollan in which he argues that we can all save the environment by planting vegetable gardens. Now, I have nothing against Michael Pollan except my usual objection to people who think they’re holier than I and won’t shut up about it.* The real problem is that this article may make gardening trendy. I can already imagine the hipsters up to their skinny jeans in loam, trying to breed an ironic tomato.
I happen to have a vegetable garden that I am very fond of (you can see my snow peas flowering at left). It started the way all my hobbies start: in the realization that I generally enjoy things 70-year-old retirees like. I would hate for my lovely garden to be sullied by an aura of holiness. Not that saving the environment isn’t a worthy cause, but I refuse to save the environment in ways that may be misconstrued as glamorous. Fluorescent light bulbs are fine in my book; Priuses (Prii?) are not. Besides, I could swear that I’ve seen Prius drivers try extra hard to run over bike riders so that they, not the poor people sweating up hills on their zero-emissions vehicles, can be the holiest of them all. Or perhaps they’re just too busy talking to their clients on their cell phones to not kill me. I hate them.
Okay, reassuming tone of detached amusement now.
It would be a shame if gardens became trendy, because then they would probably stop being such cheap sources of deliciousness. Because nobody famous and beautiful wants them, seeds are twenty cents a packet at Long’s. (This is what prompted The Exploited, in a fit of what he calls “youthful exuberance,” to buy 300 tomato seeds.) Gardens are also great for herbs, because you can use exactly as much as you want rather than buying your weight in pre-apportioned parsley because that’s the smallest amount your grocery store is willing to sell.
You can use those perfectly measured herbs to make the following:
Shrimp Pasta Salad
Serves two as main dish, four as side.
This salad may sound suspiciously Californian. That’s because it is. Nevertheless, it tastes good and is guaranteed not to make you self-righteous or vapid.
- 18 medium shrimp, marinated in mirin-ade
- 1 avocado, cut into 1-inch cubes
- 1 mango, cut into shapes that somewhat resemble 1-inch cubes
- 1/2 lb rotini pasta, boiled and drained
- 8 cherry tomatoes, halved
- 2 tablespoons minced red onion
- juice of one orange
- 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 teaspoon lemon juice
- 2 teaspoons chopped parsley
- 2 teaspoons chopped cilantro
- 1 teaspoon chopped chives
- salt and pepper to taste
1. Stir-fry the shrimp and let cool. If you do not like your onions raw, you can throw them in with the shrimp.
2. To make dressing, combine orange juice, vinegar, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and herbs in small bowl.
3. Combine everything else in large bowl, then toss with dressing.
* Also bothersome is the fact that, as in a Bond movie, all of the villains in his piece are faceless Chinese people. Sure, I’ve been known to exclaim that I hate Chinese people, but that’s only after one of them has gone and done something stereotypical, like apply to med school. Seriously, my fellow Chinese people, other professions do exist, and your entire extended family was just kidding about disowning you if you took one of them up. I use made-up words to write about novels for a living, yet remain the recipient of many a red envelope.
Tags: berkeley, gardening, salads and vegetables, shrimp, the new york times, vegetables
